Archive for the ‘Random Tales’ Category

« Older Entries

A Cultural Conundrum

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Before I get into this, I have a wee bit of news to say. I have started blogging on a Chinese Expat blog site called Lost Lao Wai (Lao Wai = Chinese slang term for foreigner) as of a few minutes ago. I have just submitted my first post, which will be reposted here, for people too lazy to click on a different link.

So I present to you the first of (hopefully) many posted that was originally made on Lost Lao Wai!

*********************************************************************

For those of you who have been in China know that “Hello! Where are you from?” is not an uncommon thing to hear from a complete stranger. However, last weekend, while I was on vacation in Qingdao, I was asked this in a rather uncommon way, that has got me thinking a rather uncommon thought.

I was enjoying my long Tomb Sweeping weekend in the breezy, quaint (by Chinese standards) city of Qingdao. It was my last day before I had to fly back to reality, so I was enjoying a nice stroll on the beach. The goal was to start at the May 4th Monument, and make my way down, past the Granite Mansion, and work my way back to the hostel that I stayed at.

On the second stop on the scenic walk, I came to a place called Music Square, which in reality is just a very large tent with a bunch of people singing, being lead by a group of very enthusiastic individuals in the middle. I walked along the outskirts, looking in, and having a smile. I have always enjoyed, and slightly envied, the Chinese outdoor singing and dancing that takes place frequently over here.

And that’s when I heard it.

“Hello! Where are you from?” a stranger panted to me.

It was a guy dressed in bright red from head to toe, including his microphone headset. Upon spotting me, he ran out of the centre to introduce himself. I told him where I’m from, and he asked me, with a host of spectators, if I would go and sing a song with them. I tried to duck it by saying that I didn’t know the words, and he assured me that it would be in English. Running out of excuses, I caved to the peer pressure, and agreed. In I went, dragging my Chinese travel companion in with me, whom he had somehow neglected to ask to join.

Now would be a good time to say one thing. My singing voice could be best described as the auditory love child of a growling badger and a dentist drill with a faulty motor.

As I stood in line with all of the other wannabe-pop-stars, the man who dragged me in said a few words in Chinese, all that I could clearly make out was “jia na da ren” and “ying wen” which translates to “Canadian” and “English”, clearly he was talking about me, but it must have been good because it was met with a rowdy ovation from the crowd. I was handed a microphone and my heart sank a bit.

A familiar tune struck, and I knew that I had heard it before, but where? A song from my youth? No. Something that I had heard in Scotland? I think so. As a few bars passed, I realized it. I had heard it sung very drunkenly every January 1st for as long as I can remember.

Like most people, I have heard Auld Lang Syne many times, but either myself, the singers, or all of the above, were far too inebriated to say the words properly. To my surprise the crowd started singing a Chinese version, leaving the English/Scots version to me.

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind.
Something, something, something, something, something, something, something.
Uhhh uhhh uhhh uhh hmmmmm hmmmm hmmm uhhh uhh uhhh uhhh uhh hmmmmmm
For auld lang syne my dear, for auld lang syne!

…and so on, and so forth.

As the audience clapped out the finish of the song, I felt my Scottish ancestors roll over in their grave.
After I left the song circle to more applause, and resumed my leisurely stroll, I got to thinking. One of the main reasons that I moved here to China was to be exposed to a different culture, and maybe learn a few things about this fascinating place, a goal which has been met with varying degrees of success over the past few months. But what parts of my culture and identity have I been able to show these people here?

Before anyone starts to clamour that I am some sort of a Western imperialist here to “civilize the hordes”, please hear me out. I am of the firm belief that no cultural interactions can ever be one sided. The countless stares that foreigners receive is imparting some view of Western culture onto the locals, whether it is the clothes, hair styles, or public comportment, we are making some sort of impression, right or wrong, on the people that we interact with. This means that my major cultural contributions have been zip-up hoodies, shaggy/receding hair, and giggling in public, I’m a regular Marco Polo alright.

Now, of course, the longer we stay in Asia the more we can see that Western culture is absolutely everywhere. So, perhaps any curious parties around here do not need any Westerner to teach them about their culture, since they have probably heard enough Western music, worn enough Western clothes, and celebrate enough Western holidays.

But surely there has to be more to Western culture than Nike and McDonald’s right? I think that it is our duty to try to pass on the less known, and dare I say more real aspects of our culture and traditions to anyone who is curious and interested, which judging by the stares and random questions, is probably a lot of people here.

Yet, here I was, with a chance to show of my Celtic tradition, by singing a very famous song written by the Scottish National Poet, and yet all I could fumble out was the first line and part of the chorus. I know that I could have easily sang more words of Ice, Ice Baby and Oops, I Did it Again, neither of which I’m very proud of.

So, with all of you blogees as my witness, I am going to make more of an effort to learn more about my real culture to be able to pass on to any interested parties on this side of the Pacific, because lord knows I’m interested in them.

However, I’m really at a bit of a loss as to where to start. I’ve tried to explain hockey, bilingualism, maple syrup, apologies, and other things Canadian, but as for my family’s British roots, I am a bit lost. So I am making a very public vow to talk to members of my family, and do some research on my traditional culture.

I am not certain if I will be taking to Highland Dancing, Irish Jigging, Burns recitals, or anything else of that sort, but surely I’ll be able to think of something. I think that Western Culture can offer a great deal to anyone who is interested, however, a number of us laoweis here seem to be stricken with a great deal of guilt and perceive ourselves as neo-imperialists, and are paralyzed to share none of our rich histories or traditions with many people who may be interested in learning about them. As such, we are leaving the impression that there is little more to the West than Britney Spears and Wall-mart, and if we don’t do something to show people otherwise, then they may just be right.

*********************************************************************

Safe journeys,

G

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Random Tales, Traveling Tales | No Comments »

A Series of Unfortunate Events — Christmas 2008 Edition

Sunday, January 4th, 2009

Prelude – The Best Laid Plans

The following is a special joint blog from Glen and Elvina outlining some of the perils and pitfalls of their travel to Vietnam and Cambodia over Christmas. Before reading, be clear of one thing. Despite the number of setbacks along the way, this has been an excellent trip so far, and both of us would fully recommend a trip like this to anyone.

Glen’s Song: “Nowhere With You” – Joel Plaskett
Elvina’s Song: “Imitosis” – Andrew Bird

Glen: The plan was simple enough. Fly from Shanghai to Shenzhen, take a ferry to Macau, and overnight there. Afterwards, wake up very early and catch a cheap Viva Macau flight to Ho Chi Minh City. Hang out in Southern Vietnam for a few days before taking a riverboat up to Phnom Penh, Cambodia on the 24th, and spend the rest of the Christmas holidays in Cambodia.

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you are making other plans”, and let me tell you, we were in for a dose of life.

Elvina: Where oh where to begin? The few weeks leading up to holiday have been busy, busy, busy – as I moved into another apartment, wrote 18 student reports and pre-planned for our trip. The geek at heart still managed to find time to draft a chronological itinerary of our plans in a spreadsheet. With all the stress at home and at work, it was comforting to know that a great time was waiting as the light at the end of the tunnel.

Early on, we decided that since we’d be let out of school at noon on Friday the 19th, we’d like to spend the night in Shanghai and fly out the next morning. We looked carefully at the Shanghai subway map and compared it to the addresses of hostels. We found and chose one that was within walking distance to the metro line that was two stops away from the Maglev to Shanghai Pudong airport, on the east side of the city.

Chapter 1 – The First of Many

Glen’ Song: “Escape is at Hand for the Traveling Man” – The Tragically Hip
Elvina’s Song: “Leaving On A Jet Plane” – Chantal Kreviazuk

Glen: It is worth noting at this point that we rejected a hostel that looked ideal, great rooms, good price, but it was in the wrong location. It was on the West Side of the city, and closer to Hongqiao airport. Yes, a city the size of a small country has two fairly large airports. Don’t forget that part.

Our night in Shanghai went without incident or omens. Nice dinner and drinks with good friends, many of who were heading across the Pacific Ocean for Christmas. We woke up the next morning and began making our way to Pudong Airport.

As we were crammed into the very congested Shanghai subway cars, a sudden realization came over me. I had forgotten my alarm clock in the hostel. I mentioned this, thinking that I would leave it. Really, I didn’t want to abandon my clock, since it was very handy to travel with, and I knew that we would need to wake up early the next morning to catch our flight out of Macau.

Looking at my watch, we decided that we had time to make a 10 minute backtrack to fetch my clock, while Elvina wait at the Maglev station to catch the super 430 km/h train to the Pudong airport.

Elvina: We were plenty good on time, so I wasn’t worried at all. We got off the very crowded train, crossed over and caught a similarly crowded train back to where we started. We decided I would stay on the platform with all of our bags while Glen make a quick run back to the hostel and fetch the alarm clock. There I waited, noting that the trains were coming every 5 minutes or so.

Glen comes back about 15 minutes later, explaining that getting the alarm clock was no problem at all but got held up trying to pay for the subway. Like most automated machines, the ones that sell tickets in the Shanghai metro prefer coins or near perfect bills. So Glen spent some time unsuccessfully feeding his non-perfect monetary note into several machines before someone eventually helped him out. And now we were on our way!

Glen: I’m sure at this point you may be getting bored of this, and wondering just what we are going to start complaining about. Well keep reading, because the first calamity occurred right after we got to Pudong.

We got to the airport with barely enough time. We knew that we had to hurry, so we quickly ran around the busy terminal and made our way to the Shezhen Airlines check in counter. We thought it odd that our flight was not listed, but thought little of it, and got in the line for a different flight offered by the airline, and assumed that they could sort us out.

After making our way to the front of the line, which is never an easy task in China, we presented our e-ticket to the woman behind the counter, and she looked very confused.

She spoke some incomprehensible words to Elvina. Clearly, my Chinese lessons were not progressing at light speed. I was more thankful than ever to be traveling with a fluent Mandarin speaker.

Elvina looked at me, laughed a bit and said, “We went to the wrong airport.”

I told you to not forget about the two airports. Clearly, I hadn’t given that same advice to myself.

Lucky for us, (Despite everything that we told you and are about to tell you, I am amazed at how many times that I start a sentence with that particular fragment) there were several flights a day to Shenzhen, and it only cost us around $40 each to change our flight to a later one. To help kill the time, we also had an hour-long bus ride to the other airport.

For the next several hours, both waiting in the airport, and en route, we would repeatedly laugh and say “We went to the wrong airport”, followed by “Rookie mistake!” Both Elvina and I have traveled a fair amount, and really should have known better.

We agreed that it was just a bit of overconfidence, and we would not make a careless oversight like that again for the rest of the trip. We were half right, but unfortunately, not the right half.

Elvina: We found this episode very funny, and our excitement was in no way deflated. We got on the bus to the correct airport and got all checked in once we were there. Waiting in line to go through security, we were fairly excited, being at the beginning of a great trip. I went through first, and as usual, made the metal detector go off. So while I’m standing up on the platform getting wanded, I notice Glen having some trouble at the desk where the security guard is sitting. I try to find out what’s going on but security just says he has to go back for something. Glen waves that everything is okay and he’ll meet me inside. Off I go, unclear of whether I should wait right there or go to the boarding gate. After some dilly-dallying and noticing that there are two security check points, I figure it’s best to go to the boarding gate. And yay, we found each other. Apparently part of his boarding pass had fallen off and he just had to go back for a new one. So we sit down with a big sigh of relief and Glen says to me that since these little bloopers happened to us early on, we were probably in for smooth sailing the rest of the trip.

Chapter 2 – Macanese Nights

Glen’s Song: “Pure Morning” – Placebo
Elvina’s Song: “Bottom of the Barrel” – Amos Lee

Glen: So, I was wrong about the smooth sailing bit, dead wrong.

Before I realized this, we got to Macau in need of a good nights sleep. Since, it was a Saturday, and the “Vegas of the East” is a bumping place on the weekends, it was hard to find a cheap place to stay. After doing a bit of research, we settled on what appeared to be a lovely and cheap place, pictured here.

Go ahead, take a few minutes to be captivated by the nice website. Don’t the rooms look great? Nice rooms, prime location, and cheap rates. What more could a traveler possibly ask for?

The truth.

After arriving at the place, we were shocked at what we saw on the website compared to what we saw in real life. Dirty is a word that gets thrown around so much that it tends to lose its meaning.

This place was freaking-filthy. The place looked like it belonged in a horror film. The narrow, I just imagined some hapless victim trying to run down the narrow and darkened stairs. A smell came over me, which I assumed was a cross between clogged sewage and dust from the 1960s. Brown water and tiny bugs came out of the tap when you turned it on, so needless to say, showering was out of the question.

Elvina: It was fairly easy to get from the Macau airport into the city. Taxis were waiting for us, without the need to haggle prices, as they ran the meter. The car doors were even automatic, the driver would push a button and the door would open for us. Armed with the address and directions that the hotel emailed us, and wanting to flex some Cantonese muscle, I showed/told the driver where we wanted to go. He was brought us where we needed to be and pointed into an alley that we’d need to walk into. He was funny, said he would take HK dollar, US dollar, Chinese Yuan, anything… so long as it was real.

We head into this alley and find the place up a narrow flight of stairs. I often judge things too soon, and have been working on that. So I told myself that it was an old building and would be better once we got there. We get the “front desk” and there is just an old man who only speaks Cantonese, none of the polite, English speaking staff that we had been in email contact with. He wants a printout of our booking, which I don’t have, and he proceeds to lecture me about not bringing it. He takes out a ratty old notebook marked in Chinese, numbers and letters. We see a GL and point at it, as our reservation. He keeps lecturing us, that without the printout, he really shouldn’t be giving us a room but since he has vacancies tonight, he will.

So he gives us a key and directs us to a room right near the desk. We unlock this room and just laugh. The walls don’t touch the ceiling so you are basically in a big cubicle. There is a sink in the corner of the room that looks as if it only dispenses rusty water, a fan, and some furniture from a yard sale.

We put our stuff down and go for a walk, trying to make the most of the Macau night. We had a nice stroll, after all. We get back to the hotel, knowing we have to leave at 4:30 anyway. I am scared of what I might catch in the bed, so I sleep in the clothes I’m wearing, not wanting to come in contact with much else. The alarm goes off and we get out of there pretty much right after.

Chapter 3 – Access Denied

Glen’s Song: “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” – The Clash
Elvina’s Song: “Help!” – The Beatles

Glen: We got to Ho Chi Minh City, and everything seemed to be going to plan. Our hotel was easy to find, and quite nice. We saw some museums, crawled in some tunnels, did some shopping and had a great time. But alas, this is a post about things not going well; so let me skip ahead to December 24th.

After seeing some of the Mekong Delta, and staying at the border city of Chau Doc, the plan was to take a boat up the Mekong River into Cambodia. We even met this great other couple and discussed the possibility of going out for a Christmas dinner in Phnom Penh, and possibly exchanging some tacky presents with one another. It seemed like the recipe for a Merry Christmas, a good thing for a Grinch like me.

So there we were, sitting on a boat, approaching the Cambodian border. The tour guide came around to collect everyone’s passports, in order to arrange visas for all. He takes mine, looks at it, and returns it with no problems.

Then, he takes Elvina’s and things start to go down hill.

Elvina: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so nice time in Ho Chi Minh City. Now, all of that seems a blur of tourist sites and being hassled by peddlers on the street. But fast forward to sitting on the “fast boat” to the Vietnam/Cambodia border. Glen has already set the stage.

The tour guide flips through my passport and I can see on his face something is not quite right. He looks at me and says, “You don’t have any more pages.” I flip to the blank pages but he points at where it says “Amendments and Endorsements.” A lot of gesturing to those pages and being gestured at other pages which say “Visas” up at the top.

Blur.

“You can’t cross the border.”

Blur.

My first instinct was to cry. My second instinct was to negotiate. My first lucid thought was that I was holding Glen back from going into Cambodia.

After gathering enough composure to ask the tour guide what to do next, we learned that I had to go back to Ho Chi Minh City to get more pages from the US consulate. It just took forever and a day to get here and we were going back?? So we get dropped off at the dock, where we eat lunch. Shortly after, we head back on the same boat, then a six hour bus ride back to HCMC. The night we arrive, Vietnam had just beat Thailand in a soccer match. The streets were insane – motorbikes everywhere, people clanging on pot lids and noisemakers and waving the Vietnamese flag. We got stuck in the kind of traffic that I would never be able to drive myself out of. I felt amused by this, but mixed in with annoyance and anger at myself.

There we were, dumped off at the main backpackers’ drag and found a hotel to stay at within a few minutes. I don’t remember what happened next, I just wanted to go to bed and wake up with the problems solved.

Glen: Yeah, I didn’t leave her and go to Cambodia by myself, as tempting as that may have been.

Chapter 4 – The Ghost of Christmas Plans

Glen’s Song: “Plans” – Bloc Party
Elvina’s Song: “That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!” — Sufjan Stevens

Elvina: (ed note: please do not make implications from this song title, as this was NOT the worst Christmas ever.) I woke up on Christmas morning, but it turns out, the aforementioned incident was not a bad dream. We started strategizing and decided we would go to the consulate tomorrow and treat ourselves a nice Christmas. We spent the day wandering around the streets of HCMC, booked a flight to Siem Reap the next day, shopped for touristy stuff, found a vegetarian restaurant (actually found a bunch so we actually had choices) and then Glen got a haircut while I got a very strange pedicure for between $1-2. We had a traditional Christmas dinner: vegetarian Indian. The restaurant even had a Christmas tree outside. The waiter asked Glen if he would like it spicy. Glen answered yes and would regret this later.

We went back to the hotel to Skype our families to say Merry Christmas. First, we decided to call the US consulate so that I could be well-prepared in the event that they required any documents or information. I went to their web site, which we had just checked the day before. It said on the calendar of federal holidays that it was closed on Thursday, December 25 for Christmas. Sure, straightforward enough. Well, okay, tonight, looking on the page for their 24-hour serviced phone number, it had a special note saying that the consulate was closed also on Friday, December 26. That meant, given the weekend, we couldn’t get to the consulate until Monday.

Glen: Yeah, we really should have read that note about it being closed on the 26th, but I guess we figured that our luck was due to turn around by then.

So yet again, we were forced to make a plan in a hurry. In planning for this trip, we looked into a number of places, particularly in Vietnam, to go to, but did not think that we had enough time. Well, apparently we had a few more days to kill in Vietnam, so no point in standing still! We decided to go to Hoi Ann, since it seems like such a cool old place to go. But we had a few things to take care of first, namely the flight to Siem Reap booked for later that day.

We went to one of the many travel agents doting the streets of Ho Chi Minh City, and were able to change our flight to the 29th with relatively little hassle. Now, we just wanted to find a way to Hoi Ann. We figured a bus or train would be the best alternative, but we forgot one of the cardinal rules of traveling in Asia, distances can be deceiving.

While Hoi Ann looks close to Ho Chi Minh City on a map, Asian road and rail networks are nowhere near as developed as their Western counterparts, and it would take over 12 hours by train, and around 20 hours by bus to get there. This really would not have given us enough time to see the city at all.

So we did something that I you would never be able to do in the West. We went to the travel agent, and asked about flights to Danang (the nearest airport to Hoi Ann) that were leaving that day. He said that there was a flight going at 3:30pm. We looked at our watches, and noted that it was in fact noon. Surely, they could not sell a plan ticket to a foreigner with such little time, could they?

There was little time to ask them about the security concerns, so we said that we would take it. However, the only seats left were in Business Class. Sure it increased the cost, but it was still not that expensive, given that it was a forty-minute flight.

The travel agent, then called us a cab, and before you could say “Random Security Screening” we were in the Business Class lounge at the Saigon Airport.

Elvina: It all seems like a blur but in the course of one day (probably an extremely busy day at malls back home) we had changed a plane ticket, bought a new one, had lunch, and flew to another city for dinner. Speaking of dinner, we walked into a hole-in-the-wall place simply because it advertised vegetarian dishes. Upon sitting down, we quickly realized the lack of menus, save for a little piece of paper stuck the wall with less than 10 items. We used our limited Vietnamese menu knowledge to figure out what was what. We pointed, and got food. Pretty simple.

Walking around Danang was not much to write about. Yes, it was night time by then, but it is a dark and quiet little town, without much going on. We just slept off the surreal day and woke up early to go to Hoi An. It took a bit of searching to find the bus station. In the end, we never found it but some locals told us to just wait by the side of the road and they’d show us which bus to flag down. So we ended up paying way more than any locals, sitting in the back row of this very sketchy city bus, which we thought we’d fall out of every time the back door opened. The saving grace was meeting a nice Estonian guy who was traveling to Hoi An as well.

Glen: It should be worth noting at this point, that Elvina got sick. Nothing major, just the side effects of moving around crowded Asia so much. But we did have to make a quick (and painless) trip to the doctors. I mention this for one reason: had this been on any other trip, this would have been the biggest concern and downer, but not us.

Anyway, after getting very lost, we eventually found a guesthouse and enjoyed Hoi Ann. Really, it is a fabulous city, and well worth a visit for anyone who plans on going through Vietnam. After a great two days there, we hopped back on a flight and returned to Ho Chi Minh City, once more.

Chapter 5 – Panic on the Streets of Saigon

Glen’s Song: “I Predict a Riot” – Kaiser Chiefs
Elvina’s Song: “Bang” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Glen: Remember back in Chapter 2, Elvina said that the streets were crazy after Vietnam defeated Thailand in soccer? Well the night that we landed in Ho Chi Minh once more, they won again, moving them one step closer to the World Cup. So the streets were even more insane.

No, scratch that, the streets were absolutely bonkers with excitement.

As we hopped in a cab and drove to our hotel, people everywhere were cheering, flags were being hung from the many (MANY) motorcycles going all around us. Every intersection was like a mosh pit, as people everywhere were reveling in nationalistic fervour. Say what you will about how much athletes get paid, and how the purity of sports has been lost somewhere between all of the Coca-Cola Sponsors, but there is little that has the power to get people together more than a good sporting event.

After about 40 minutes of slow rides, and fast riots, things started to kick up a notch. We got to one of the main roundabouts in the city, and there was a whole mob of sports fans there. Flags were being waved all over the place. When people noticed me (the token white guy) in the car, they started to cheer at me and give me the thumbs up, all well and good I thought. Then things got a bit more out of control.

First people started pounding on the car in some sort of a game. Then, someone jumped on the back of the taxi to wave his flag from a higher point; a few people jumping on the hood of the car to cheer followed this. While I found the joy enticing at first, I was starting to get a little scared at this point.

To his credit, our driver calmly opened the door, and got the guys off of the hood. A few voices of reason emerged from the cheering masses, as some total strangers helped escort our car out of the crowd and on to safety.

We got to our hotel, and probably paid too much for too little, but at that point we did not care. We certainly had no plans to go outside, and all we needed to do was get to the Consulate the next morning, and be on our merry way.

Elvina: I really loved Hoi An, and considered it a bonus at this point. I might even like to go back at some point. But, Glen summarized all of it quite well so I’ll leave it at that and just move on to the good stuff.

Chapter 5 – Lucky at Last

Glen’s Song: “Lucky Day in Hell” – The Eels
Elvina’s Song: “Beautiful Day” – U2

Elvina: I woke up on Monday morning rarin’ to go. I remember we both said, “Today is the day!” That is actually quite funny because I woke up on the Friday we began the trip thinking the same thought. We got out of the hotel, with the only priority of finding a bite to eat before we were onwards to the consulate.

We found the consulate without any problems, but Glen couldn’t go inside since he didn’t bring his passport. He headed to a coffee shop type place across the street. As I entered through security, I felt a strange sense of relief, as cliché as it sounds. The whole experience was oddly American-centric but also very Asian as well.

Upon entry, you are greeted by a sign that points immigrants, visitors, etc, to the left or right. American Citizens, it says in bold letters go straight ahead to a big scary iron gate.

I go up to take a number, as the sign says to do. I see that blank forms are along the back wall so I pick up the appropriate one and complete it. Just as I finish and look up to see how far they are away from my number, I see a sign that says:

Go directly to window 3 for any of the following:

  1. Additional visa pages in your passport.

I didn’t need to read any further. I went immediately, as directed. No one was there and I tried to make my presence a bit more known. A woman came by and I asked if I was at the right place to submit this form, which I held up. She looked at the form, my passport, and disappeared. I waited. Another woman came over and asked if she could help me. I told her that I was waiting for my passport from the previous woman. She said, “Oh it will take about…” In my mind, I heard her say “… two week.” In reality, she said, “… half an hour.” Gleefully surprised and relieved, I asked her if I’d need a receipt to claim my passport later. Oddly enough, there wasn’t. And, there was no charge for this service. I go across the street to join Glen for a glass of fruit juice. Soon, I have my new thick passport in hand! We go back to the hotel to get our stuff and we are on the bus to the airport we know so well.

Glen: We finally made it into Cambodia, and it was fantastic. Angkor is completely mind blowing, and Phnom Penh is completely soul sapping. Just what we were after.

Things in Cambodia were fantastic, as our luck really got turned around. I guess we had to go through a bit of karmic overdraft, but things worked out in the end.

So I guess if we could impart some advice to anyone out there it would be the following three things:

  1. Carefully read all plane tickets

  2. Know how many pages you have left in your passport at all times

  3. Never, and I mean NEVER travel in a country when they are playing important soccer games.

Hopefully you can learn from our mistakes!

Until next time,

G

Tags:
Posted in Random Tales, Remixes and Collaborations, Traveling Tales | No Comments »

“You’ll see the good in everyone”

Monday, January 7th, 2008

“You’ll see the good in everyone”
– Sloan

Right now I sit on a flight from St. Marteen to Charlotte, en route to finding my way back home after a fantastic Caribbean adventure, where I was apparently too busy having fun to pay any attention to this little nerdy space in my life. Here at 34,000 feet I find myself reminded of one of life’s little lessons.

As I boarded my flight to leave, we taxied out on the runway, and sat there waiting for fuelling. The muffled voice of the pilot told us that there had been problems earlier in the day with the fuel truck and flights were delayed all day. He apologized for the inconvenience and asked us to be patient.

I adjusted my seat, grabbed the magazine I bought for the flight, and nervously checked my watch, I only had an hour and 15 minute lay over in Charlotte before my flight was scheduled to leave for Buffalo. “Ah well” I thought “Not much that I can do about it”.

I read a few articles, I waited.
I listened to my iPod for a while, I waited.
I cracked open a new book for a bit, I waited.
I stared out the window, I waited.
I waited, I waited.

Finally, after a solid 2 hours of waiting the fuel truck arrived and started doing its job. Upon refuelling, we appeared ready to take off. Ever the optimist, I thought that maybe, just maybe I might be able to make my flight to Buffalo if they were able to make up enough time and there were some delays. Then, I heard something that made my jaw drop.

“Ladies and gentlemen” the captain muffled over the speakers, “While we have finally refuelled, there are some passengers who are demanding to get off the aircraft, and in order to accommodate them, we need to taxi back over to the terminal and unload them.”

Yes, you read that one right, after two hours of waiting, people decided at the last possible moment that they were going to get off of the plane.

Needless to say a chorus of “boo”’s, “Oh my God”’s, and “What the hell?”’s followed.

As the plane got back, a couple, perhaps in their 50s got up, and began collecting their belongings. The remaining passengers all turned towards these two, and mustered up every ounce of glowering that we could. As they finished collecting their things, a round of applause broke out. I really never thought that it was possible to clap with biting sarcasm, but now I know better.

After the people got off the air, I heard the now very familiar voice of the captain say “We can’t believe this any more than you can, and unfortunately according to safety regulations we have to get these bastards luggage off of the aircraft.”

Yeah, the captain said “bastards” over the intercom, that almost made it worth it to me.

We waiting for another half an hour or so to find the luggage of these people before finally taking off, thus making it seem impossible for me to get to Buffalo, and therefore home, on time.

Now in my 25 years on this planet, I have seen, and done some pretty selfish things, but this really has to rank up there with most despicably low in my mind. I understand being angry about the delay, and anxious about the possibility of missing a connecting flight, but there really is no excuse for that sort of behaviour. They made every passenger even more delayed on their trip, and also gave the flight crew and even longer day, and they really don’t deserve it.

So while the Bible, and a great band tell us to find “the good in everyone”, there are situations like this when I remember one of the most important lessons I have ever learned in my life, some people really are just assholes.

Until next time,

G

Tags:
Posted in Random Tales, Traveling Tales | 1 Comment »

Disapointment

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

Yesterday was a wonderful, joyous day, as we got our first REAL snowfall of the season here in the GTA. Now, while I may despise the cold (and Christmas) I am a huge sucker for the snow. I simply LOVE to play in it, one of the reasons that I enjoyed living in North Bay so much last year.

Anyway, last night the snow turned to rain as the temperature hovered somewhere between 1 and 3 degrees. Many of the boys in my residence were asking me if it was going to be a snow day. I told them that I would get right on calling my good friend Mother Nature, but all of them needed to be fully prepared for Mondays classes if we were to have any hope. Clearly, it is meteorological science that the chance of snow coming is inversely proportional to the amount of students who are counting on a snow day.

Our school has a policy, that any cancellations will be announced at 6am for that day, so I woke up a few times during the night excited at the possibility of there being a snow day. At about 6:30, I woke up to the sound of the snow plows clearing off the path just outside my bedroom. My heart raced a bit at the thought of having a three day weekend.

I then heard my cell phone beep. My sleep deprived brain began to race. Who would call this early? Is everything ok with my parents? Could one of my teacher friends have texted me to celebrate the snow day? What else could it be?

I knew that I needed to find that phone, so I crawled myself out of bed and looked for the usual spots that I leave my cell phone. The shelves at the head of my bed? Nope. The beep continued. My night table? Not there. Yet another beep. My kitchen counter? No sign of it. BEEP. I turned the lights on and my apartment upside down looking for this phone. Finally, I clued in. It was in the pocket of the sweater that I was wearing before bed, and therefore in my laundry bin.

Excitingly, I root through my dirty socks and underwear to finally retrieve my precious piece of technology. I fumble trying to open it, just like I was unwrapping a present under my tree. Could it be my first snow day of the year?

Finally I flip open the phone, excited to see that a message. Instead, I get two infuriating words come across the screen…”Low Battery”.

I crawl back into bed, and get a few more precious minutes of anger filled sleep, as visions of toboggans and snow angels dance through my head.

Until next time,

G

Posted in Random Tales | No Comments »

Fall Behind, Left Behind

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

For the entire length of my time in China I have been uttering one phrase over and over again. Whenever we are travelling in a group and someone stops to shop/take pictures and holds up the group I have been saying “Fall behind, left behind”. Well on Saturday, I understood the meaning of that phrase.

Saturday night in Yangzhou we went out to this spectacular show. I don’t really know how to describe it other than by saying that it was on a water stage and it included some of the most spectacular sights I have ever seen. There was a call and answer love song between people waving massive torches, a row of 15 or so plastic tarps that people did an elaborate boat dance, a stage built on the water for people to walk on while wearing glowing suits (it seriously looked like a deranged techno video), a woman dancing on what looked like the moon, and a stripping scene. Ohhh and it was directed by the same guy who will direct the opening ceremony at the Beijing Olympics.

After the show I was still trying to process all of the stimulus and I ended up losing out on my group. I did the logical thing and went back the way that we came to look for the bus and the rest of my group. Silly me, thinking that logic will apply in this country.

I get to the front gates and see nobody. I wonder around for a bit and still see nobody that I know. I realize that they probably went out the side gate so I attempt to run back through the park but somebody tells me that all of the buses have left. I shrug and go back to the front gate and plan on walking back to the hotel, remembering that it wasn’t that far of a trip.

After a day of walking I realize that maybe I should seek alternative transportation. Lucky for me I notice a motorized rickshaw and decide that maybe that would be a better bet. I ask the driver how much and he tells me 10 Yuan. I look and say that I would sooner walk (a wonderful bargaining technique in this country is to appear completely disinterested) and then he yells out six. I decide to take him up on the offer and get in the back. He says something in Chinese to his friends and they all have a good laugh.

After driving off for a bit he pulls over, looks back at me and says “Massag-ie, Massag-ie” and my heart drops a bit. I look at him confused and just say “West Street”, which is close enough to the hotel I was staying at. He takes his left hand and puts his index finger to his thumb making a circle, and then takes his two fingers on his right hand and begins ramming them through the circle and makes some grunting noise and then says “10 Yuan”. I realize two important things at this point. First off, some expressions are universal, and secondly he didn’t say six, oh no, he said sex. No wonder he was laughing with his friends.

Lucky for me, I happen to know how to say no in Chinese which I say repeatedly and keep saying West Street. He starts to drive again but slows down as we pass a few run down buildings, which I assume to be brothels, where he makes the gesture again and says “Massag-ie, Massag-ie” some more.

After what seemed like forever we get to our hotel, I tell him to stop right here. I give him a 10 Yuan note and run hearing him yell “Massag-ie, Massag-ie” in the background.

I thankfully arrive back at my hotel to find our group leader and my profs who had just gone back to look for me. They say that they were not too worried about me, and said that if there was anyone who it would be ok to loose it would be me. I’m not sure if that was a compliment or not.

Olive, the professor with us, looks at me and says “Fall behind, left behind”.

Until next time,

G

Tags: ,
Posted in Random Tales, Traveling Tales | No Comments »

Juvenile Joys

Tuesday, April 17th, 2007

Yesterday something strange happened over here in Nanning. It was a beautiful sunny day (as usual) when suddenly, and without warning, wind started to pick up, the sky turned black, and then the heavens opened up a torrential downpour upon us.

The locals were all running for cover, but as usual, I got a perverse enjoyment out of this nice warm rain. Funny thing though, we had to walk some 20 minutes across campus to get to a ceremony at this time. So I put my rain coat on, refuse to hover under an umbrella and walk over to the building.

When we arrive for the ceremony (where we Canadians are going to give them some money that we raised before we left) we find out that due to the sudden storm, it is going to be postponed. All of the Chinese students, and some of the Canadian ones were huddling in the shelter and waiting for cabs to take a cab back to the residence.

I thought that this was a terrible idea, I was already wearing my flip-flops, and decided, along with my friends Karen and Sarah to walk back to residence in the rain. Best part, no hoods or umbrellas allowed. Just us and the rain.

Let me tell you, this was an amazing experience. I jumped in just about every puddle that I could see, and routinely kicked water at my friends. The locals were completely amazed at this, as I’m sure many Canadians would have been to.

None the less we continued, with every puddle I jumped into, I felt a year of maturity splash away from me. I absolutely loved it.

There is something amazing and wonderful about acting so immature sometimes. I figure that I have my whole life to be a grown up, why should I start now? Sure I’m not getting any younger, but why should I be forced to get older?

My father always says that he will die of Terminal Peter Pan Syndrome, he says “I may get old, but I will never grow up”. Sometimes, the apple falls directly below the tree.

I felt so refreshed yesterday. It was so wonderful to feel the rain on my skin and innocence in my heart. I have spent most of this year thinking and worrying about growing up, it was wonderful to put all of those thoughts away for one childish walk.

So this is a special shout out to my NipFriends who are no doubt as worried about applying for jobs, interviews, OCT, and pensions as I am. Take a moment and let yourself be a kid, it will give you some much needed clarity.

Until next time,

G

P.S. Just in case some of you may be worried that I have caught a cold or something, afterwards the three of us (plus plenty more) gathered to have a tea party to warm us all up. We even had biscuits, and I made sure to drink with my pinky finger extended. Unfortunetly our stuffies were unable to attend the event.

Posted in Random Tales | No Comments »

The Universality of Kindness

Sunday, April 15th, 2007
I was going to write about my recent international basketball game against Chinese students, or perhaps my first experiences in the classroom, or maybe even my first experiences with Chinese nightlife, but all of those things can wait. Something more important happened to me yesterday. A few months ago I talked about how I performed a random act of kindness and deposited into the bank of Buddha. Well yesterday I made my withdraw with plenty of interest.

Myself and two friends, Steve and Jarrod, went to a near by park called Blue Mountain Scenic Area and did we ever have ourselves an adventure. First off it took us a really long time to get there, since the bus we were taking just sort of stopped and we had no idea where we were going, so we kept asking for directions (lucky for us my guide book has things written in Chinese or we would still be wandering!!!!). Once we got there though we were rewarded with some amazing views of Nanning and the surrounding area.

There were these amazing pagodas in the middle of the forest, the worlds longest bamboo corridor (it was 512m!!!!), a beautiful Buddhist temple that you could smell the incense from a mile away and this unreal lookout tower on the top of a mountain. Of course there were mini-buses going everywhere which we refused on many occasions. We were trying to get to a separate tower that we could see off in the distance and were wandering over towards it.

At this point I should point out to people that I haven’t mentioned it to already. Foreigners are treated like rock stars around here. We get constantly gazed at and many, many people randomly say hello to us and giggle whenever we talk back. Life is good.

Anyway, back to reality. We were wandering around to find this tower and started walking through this field and this family (a mother, father and son that was maybe 4 years old) stopped to say hi to us. They then wanted to take our picture with their son, which we gladly obliged.

After we got to the end of the field we stopped to have a seat, as the sun started to quickly set. I was wondering just how nice our view would be in the dark and how long these mini-buses were running until, when the family came by again. Through a series of elaborate hand gestures the mother ended up offering us a drive. We were amazed and of course accepted.

They began to drive us out of the park and we really had no idea what to say (not that they would have understood anyway). They pulled over and the mother got out and started bargaining with this old lady on the side of the road. After a few minutes the father got out too, leaving the three of us foreigners alone in their new car, with their child and the keys in the ignition. Now where would you see that level of trust in North America?

They get back in with a back of star fruit and the mother turns around and gives us each one. I was spell bound I mustered out the best xiexie that I could and felt myself tearing up a bit. We communicate to the family to drop us off at the bus station (a couple of minutes from where we are) and I end up taking their picture as a memento of something that I don’t think that I could ever forget.

Sorry the picture is low quality, my camera is a wee bit old.

I was so touched by this random act of kindness. Here we were as far away from home as we could ever be, in bot the literal and figurative sense, and we were treated to an act of true generosity. It made no difference in their lives I imagine to offer us a ride but it made all the difference in ours. It really goes to show me more that this world we live in is not so bad after all. One of my old high school teachers once said that “there are millions of good people out there just dying for you to ask them a favour” and I would like to add if I may “but there are few great ones who don’t need to be asked”. Well thousands of miles from home I met some pretty darn great ones.

I guess I need to find someway to make another deposit or two before I go into overdraft.

Until next time,

G

Tags: , ,
Posted in Random Tales, Traveling Tales | 1 Comment »

Freud Would Have a Field Day with Me

Friday, March 2nd, 2007

Ever since I watched Waking Life for a second time a few weeks ago I have been thinking a lot about Lucid Dreams. For those of you have not seen Waking Life it is a really strange but amazing movie about a guy stuck in a dream who keeps jumping around and discovers more and more about life and the nature of the Universe. There is very little in the way of plot that goes on, but it is well worth watching I say.

One of the things that they say in the movie is that in dreams digital clocks are usually unreadable. A sure way to know that you are dreaming. A few days ago in my dream I noticed that a clock was acting strange and I realized that I was dreaming, but then promptly woke up. Since then, I have been hoping to have another Lucid Dream and see if I could control them in some way.

This morning, once I found out it was a Snow Day, I promptly went back to bed, and my wishes were answered. In my dream, I was at my grandparent’s old house in Brampton. I was lying in bed and woke up, I thought that the snow day was a dream and that I should get ready for school. Then I thought something else very strange, I was in face back in 2003 and was about to start my first day working at Kodiak (I stayed at my grandparent’s place the night before I went to Camp for the first time). I had thought that the last four years of my life had just been a dream. No Kodiak, no graduation, no working for Acadia, no moving to Scotland, no Teacher’s College, it was all a dream. I was devastated, I wanted to have lived the life that I thought that I did, and while I have had some difficulties over the years, the positives far outweighed the negatives. I soon realized that I was in fact dreaming at that point, but I needed to know for sure. I used every fibre of my being to wake myself up.

Lucky for me, there I was lying in my bed at my father’s place at 9:30 or so. The clock was fully readable so I realized that I was wide awake.

Needless to say I was quite relieved. I don’t remember when I have ever been so scared as I was when I thought that my life hadn’t happened. I have dreamt about getting shot, or having people in my family die, or having my heart broken, but that doesn’t compare to not living at all.

I don’t really have much in the way of a moral or point of this story, other than the fact that I am relieved that I have in fact lived my life and it hasn’t all been a dream. But if it has all been a dream, I hope I don’t wake up anytime soon.

Until next time,

G

Posted in Random Tales | No Comments »

What a Great Friday

Friday, March 2nd, 2007

I have discovered that the two sweetest words to any teacher are “Snow Day”. As many of you know, Southern Ontario has been hit with a bunch of snow and freezing rain, which has lead to a series of bus cancellations and school closures. So instead of spending the day nurturing young minds, I get to spend it lounging around in my jammies and watching Sportscentre. Some days I absolutely love my life.

I was starting to feel a wee bit shack whacky earlier in the day, so I took my dog Lucy out for a walk around the neighbourhood and surrounding woods. I was amazed at what I saw.

The trees were beautifully covered with a thin sheet of ice, making them look like they were budding diamonds. It was one of those times that I wish that I had brought my camera along, so I could show people just how beautiful the winter can be sometimes. Even cooler than that was the fact that it has warmed up enough to make the ice start to melt. As a result, many of the trees were shedding their frozen layer and it seemed just like it was raining ice down upon me.

All last year I kept saying how much I missed Canadian winters, but all this year living in North Bay, I wondered why on earth I thought that. Today, I realized what it was. As I trekked through the forest among the icy autumn, I felt alone with my thoughts in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time. It was wonderful to breathe in the crisp cool air, trudge through the snow and ice, and to just be. That’s something that I just don’t think you can get in too many other places of the world.

To any other teachers, students, or people in limbo with me, I hope that you had a great Snow Day. I hope that you took the chance to catch up on some marking, lesson plans, homework, sleep, or communing with nature.

Until next time,

G

Posted in Random Tales, Teachin' and Learnin' | No Comments »

Alive and Well

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

Hey all, I just wanted to give a bit of a progress report. All is well for me on placement. I am settling in to my new school and new classes, I teach my first lessons tomorrow. It will surely be a riveting lesson on the Sine Law. I am not nearly so anxious about it as I was last week. I think that I had some pretty awesome people (one in particular…you know who you are, and not just because you are psychic) calm me down and assure me that I will do just fine.

It’s kind of funny, I’m normally a pretty relaxed guy and I don’t tend to get stressed very often. I think because of that I don’t really know how to deal with stress when it comes my way.

Speaking of stress, something that was mildly stressful but overall hilarious happened to me on Sunday. You see, I am at my dad’s place but I am home all alone since the parental Unit is off in Mexico for another week…jerks. I spent the day being both domestic and handy, I was cleaning up the kitchen and shovelling the snow off the porch. Then when I go to make myself dinner I notice that the oven is not working. I look around and quickly notice that the microwave display is very low and so is the light on the fridge. Upon further examination some of the lights in the area around the kitchen are dim as well and the TV is not working. I look around, go get my super handy neighbour Ken, and we take a look at things. It turns out that there is not enough power coming into the house and everything that is on the left side of the circuit breaker is working but everything on the right side is not. Of course, the furnace, the oven and the water pump are all on the right side.

I realize that there is not much that I can do about it on a Friday night so I rig an extension cord from the fridge to a plug that is working, I make some awesome vegan chili on the barbeque, get the wood stove working overtime and I go to my first day of placement without showering. I figure what better way to have my students remember me than as Mr. Smelly-face?

Of course, at this point my dad calls me from Mexico to brag about the weather. Seeing as how I am in a house without a functioning furnace or hot water, I am really impressed with myself for not swearing at him.

This of course furthers my belief that I am living in the Glen Show and currently being observed by people all over the world. Some days I seem to be the king of Random Adventures.

And to think, I had been worried about teaching. Clearly, being concerned about warmth and personal hygiene takes precedence over such trivial matters. So if any of my NipFriends are reading this and you are getting stressed about placement, just turn your power off for a while and see how you manage. You may find yourself pleasantly surprised.

Until next time,

G

Posted in Random Tales, Teachin' and Learnin' | No Comments »

« Older Entries