Glen Thoughts

Well yesterday, I posted my Ultimate Dream Wrestlemania Card, corresponding to that I will follow the same rules to give the worst card ever.   If this was ever on Pay-per-view, I would advise everyone to find a better use of their money…

15 Team Battle Royal
Wrestlemania XIV
Fleet Center
Boston, MA

While this is not what I consider to be the worst opener of all time, it’s pretty darned close.  The matches that I ranked lower have far more junk on their card to use later on.  This was a pretty boring Battle Royal, and I tend to like Battle Royals.  The second LOD 2000 showed up, the ending was never in doubt.  Add in the fact that there were a few teams that didn’t make much sense, and some interference that didn’t really lead anywhere, and you have a dull way to start out this mega-craptacular show.

Intercontinental Title Match
Rocky Miavia (c) vs. The Sultan
Wretlemania 13
Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, IL

This fills in the “The Rock must show up” rule and gives us what is easily his worst match at the big event, and one of the worst of his legendary career.  It really is amazing that this young blue chipper who needed to be saved by his middle-aged father would stare down Hulk Hogan a mere five years later.

The Rockers vs. The Orient Express
Wrestlemania VI
Skydome
Toronto, Ontario

This is certainly not a bad match, but given that it has Shawn Michaels in it, it certainly gets classed as such.  This is most certainly the future HBK’s worst match on the grandest stage of them all.   These two teams would have an amazing match at the following Royal Rumble, though.  It makes me wonder if Shawn and Marty had partying a little too hardy in Toronto.

Blindfold Match
Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. “The Model” Rick Martel
Wrestlemania VII
Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena
Los Angeles, CA

I can just see the wheels spinning in Vince McMahon’s head.  Let’s take two of the best performers, give them a huge feud, settle it at our biggest show and…put blindfolds on them!  If only he had stopped at three we could have had an absolute classic here.  Instead we get two men fumbling around for a while resembling a big match.  On an aside though, Jake Roberts, one of the best wrestlers ever, always seemed to dog it at Wrestlemania, as he never really had a good match at the big event.  It’s a bit of a shame.

The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez
Wrestlemania IX
Ceaser’s Palace
Las Vegas, NV

Not only is this considered the worst match in the history of The Streak, it is widely considered to be the worst match in Wrestlemania history.  If you like watching two men in ridiculous costumes slowly try to punch each other before one of them sicks chloroform on the other, then this is for you!  If not then stay far, FAR away from this one.

If there ever was proof that you need two to tango it may just be this match.  You have one of the most talented tag teams ever defend the title against two big fattys.  Worst still, the champs took the intentional count-ount, which has no place at such a mega-event.

I Quit Match
Bret Hart vs. Bob Backland
Wrestlemania XI
Hartford Civic Center
Hartford, CT

Bret Hart described this as the worst match of his career and it’s easy to see why.  These two incredibly talented wrestlers were just off on this day.  It’s a shame, because they had two great matches the year before.

Bill Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar
Wrestlemania XX
Madison Square Garden
New York, NY

This match received a huge amount of hype heading into Wrestlemania XX.  It was at the top of all of the marquees, and felt like it could be a classic case of Unstoppable Force meets Unstoppable Force.  Then something funny happened.  Goldberg did not sign a contract extension and Lesnar decided just before that he was going to play football instead, making this the last match with the company for both wrestlers.  The WWE panicked and added Steve Austin as a referee to take the attention away from the two men.  As they stared down in the ring, the fans, knowing the story, turned on both wrestlers.  It very clearly aggravated both of them and their performance suffered.  I remember watching this with friends and McNutt even yelled “Vince told them to have a bad match since they are both leaving”.  While I don’t know if that is necessarily true, it’s pretty obvious that both men didn’t have their heart in the ring and it shows.

WWE Title Match
Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton
Wrestlemania XXV
Astrodome
Houston, TX

While this is not necessarily the worst Main Event in Wrestlemania history, it’s not far from the bottom of the list.  Given the criteria of needing two title matches, at least one needs to be from the brand-split era and this is probably the worst of them all (although Cena-JBL is pretty close).  And given the chemistry these two have shown in the past, and would show in the future, it is certainly a big disappointment.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. King Kong Bundy
Wrestlemania 2
Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena
Los Angeles, CA

*Yawn* this match is one of the more boring Main Events I’ve ever watched.  They worked a very typical Hogan vs. Big Man match from the 80s, nothing special, no big moment.  It’s just a big borefest and a perfect end to this abysmal event.

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And that concludes that, it was kinda fun, I’m already looking forward to doing it again next year.

Until next time,

G

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 24th, 2010 at 7:11 am and is filed under Rasslin'. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.